dvampyrlestat

Author: jeffer
Title: Aishiteru
Summary: Don't force something that is never meant to be. A young woman is torn between loyalty and love.
Prompt used: Prompt 3, “We are learning to make fire.”
Word Count: 887
Type: Original Fiction
Notes: Rated PG, imo. But I write wholesome (generally), so nothing too graphic. Touchy theme, though.
Critique Request: YES PLEASE. Tell me I suck, tell me it's passable. Just say something.

I always knew he'd make the most dashing groom. In a pristine white tuxedo, with that single red rose pinned on his chest, he looked every inch the knight that I always made him out to be.

I wasn't alone in thinking that, it seemed. The eyes of practically every woman in the room were drawn to him. It did not matter that most of them came with their own dates, their own husbands and boyfriends. Kousakou's presence demanded attention, and he had theirs.

Earlier, as I walked down the aisle, I had that nagging fear that my legs would fail me. What if my knees gave out under me and I made a spectacle of myself in front of everyone? But I looked up and met his gaze, and with his eyes he told me to get up, to keep walking. You can do it, they seemed to say, and I believed him.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur. I just heard hymns. Murmurs. Kousakou's voice enunciating every word of that vow. To have and to hold. To forever love.

Even now, as I sat at this important table, the conversation swirled around me, but I wasn't able to make sense of everything. There was just Kousakou, seated close, an arm’s length away.

I forced myself back to my surroundings. This was really not the time to let my thoughts wander. The day wasn't over yet.

I reached for the tall glass of cocktail - I wasn't sure what was in it - and downed it in one gulp.

"If I didn't know you could hold your liquor, I'd stop you right now."

My best friend, Emi, smiled at me. I returned her smile with one of my own.

"You're drinking a lot more than usual today."

One of the waiters refilled my glass and I raised it at Emi, looking positively beautiful in that dress we picked out together just for today.

"I'm celebrating," I said, drinking the contents all at once.

Emi sighed. "That you are, while Kousakou just sits there, quiet, hasn't even touched his drink. You're in a more celebratory mood than the groom himself."

Sure enough, Kousakou sat there quietly, the food before him untouched.

I love you.

As though sensing our scrutiny, he lifted his head. I tore my gaze away.

Emi reached for my hand. "You look so beautiful today, Mieko."

"It's the make-up. And the hair," I said, trying to sound flippant as I fought the urge to pull my hand away from her touch. I shouldn't be feeling this way, should I? After all, Emi and I have been best friends since...forever.

I looked down, and I realized I have been toying with the stem of my now-empty wine glass.

You look so beautiful.

Kousakou had said those very same words early this morning, when he knocked on my bedroom door. He wasn’t supposed to be there, but there he stood on the doorway, looking like the sleep-deprived and nervous husband-to-be.

I heard a sniff and when I looked, Emi was wiping an errant tear. This time I was the one who reached to touch her hand. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I'm just...so relieved, you know?" Emi's voice cracked. "This marriage...I never thought it would happen.”

"It's a good match," I said quietly. “Everyone says so.” By ‘everyone’, I was referring to those gentlemen in power suits toasting on each table. This wedding not only marked a union of man and woman, but also a merger of two power players in business.

“He doesn’t love me, Mieko."

I went still. Emi’s voice was so soft, but I heard it like thunder piercing the sunlit sky.

“Kousakou is marrying me because it is his duty, his obligation to his family.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but the words rang in my ears, deafening. I felt her hand squeeze mine in a desperate grip.

Slowly I turned to look at her, and her eyes shone with suppressed tears, like a dam about to break.

“That’s nonsense,” I said, my voice flat, emotionless. How was I supposed to react to this? “Why are you talking about this, today of all days?

Emi sniffed. “I always knew he was in love with someone else, long before the arrangement was made. They said he was in love with someone from the same university he went to.” She looked at me with imploring eyes. “You were his classmate, Mieko! I never had the heart to ask you before, because I was afraid to hear the truth…”

There was a pain on my chest, not unlike the one Emi was probably feeling right now. Here we go. The moment of truth.

“Mieko…do you…”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her face when I lied to her.

“…know who she is?”

I opened my eyes, met the plea in hers. Many thoughts went through my head in that long minute.

He was mine first. It’s me he loves, and I love him back.

Today was supposed to be my day.

“No,” I heard myself say. “I don’t.”

Emi’s shoulders sagged in defeat.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

She shook her head. “Don’t be.”

But I am! I truly am sorry!